Yesterday I found myself engaged in one distraction after another. It was curious though to be the observer of myself participating in the distractions. I didn’t try to stop myself and get back on task, but rather I became interested in the information the distractions of the day were trying to point me towards.
What was the meaning behind my passion for this topic I was in an endless conversation about?
What was poking at my inner workings by focussing so hard on things completely outside my control?
I became truly curious about what was irking me regarding a few particular situations. We know the answer is always in the root rather than the leaf blowing by.
Ah, it came to me later when I was willing to sit with the themes of the day’s energy pulls. They all but lead me back to myself. A gentle redirection towards inner freedom, liberation, healing, and love.
What has been ever-evolving for me over the years is how I utilize my energy. Not in a capitalistic overly productive way, but in a deeply sacred and meaningful way. Some call this conscious awareness, others call it intention. My friends call it my ninja boundaries. For me, it is the art and act of sacred containment, and holy shit is it a practice of spirit. And, can my inner designs and longings no more be a detriment to my health and vitality, but rather a contribution to my life and the lives of others while here on this benevolent Earth.
Our energy is our everything. What I have come to know is that if I don’t protect it in a holy way, no one will. This isn’t a whoa is me, no one helps restore me way. This is a deep awareness that I am solely responsible on an intimate level with my soul that I am the keeper of my lifeblood and my path while here.
I grew up over giving. People pleasers raise your hands, I see you! So many of us are born into homes where we adopt giving as our nature. We don’t know what we are doing, we are just doing it. Until we learn by force or fate to stop. To learn that trying to save everyone is futile. It can feel so desperate when we are young, trying to fill the bottomless wells of our selves, families, friends, congregations, schools, communities, or other places in our lives where we have learned to reside.
When we stop, whenever that happens for us, and start to take an inventory of where we have been feverishly over extending our energy, it can feel incredibly startling. There is a certain gravity to it that takes our breath away. There is a grief that must be recognized and released for the time and parts of ourselves that have been lost, misused, or harmed in the process. If you have, or are, experiencing that gut punch realization in your life, beloved, know that you are okay. This is but a beautiful beginning, I assure you.
For me, I have swung on the pendulum of bleeding myself dry over giving to halting all giving and building a brick wall. Neither are great places to be, as they both lack oxygen. But through examination, we can go on a quest to find our equilibrium. I know how my body feels when I am in a state of depletion rather than of service. I know how my heart resonates or rejects something I am engaged in. And where I worry, placing useless energy atop a pile of uncontrollables, it is instead where I am called to create. Through it all, I can and will embody liberation. In fact, I can make it my mission.
See you out there.
Let’s rise,
ah