The Givers.

Underneath vulnerability is courage.

Hello all,

I am blissfully soaking up the sun on my front porch while I wait for dinner to cook. I am LIVING for these days of warmth, sunshine, and porch dwelling at dusk.

Today I found myself trying to will exercise after work. I even changed. Then a part of me just said, “stop”. It’s not that a walk wouldn’t feel good, it’s that I just wanted to sit in stillness for a bit. Not rush. Everything had been moving so fast lately. Anyone else feeling that?

Maybe it’s the frenzy of the end of the school year. Maybe the pace of work. Maybe the acuity of mental health all around. Maybe my kids rapid fire questions. (I mean seriously, no one shoots them faster than two 7-year olds.)

So, to slow down. To question what it is that I want and actually need in this moment. And the moment, like most of my moments, call for stillness. It asks it from me, and I miss that whisper sometimes among all the noise. The call for connection with self.

Since the marathon I have been asking myself, “what’s next?” Not in an overly ambitious way. I just notice that I don’t have a particular destination in mind. Work is good, busy. The kids are in school. We are in our rhythm. So, what is it that I see in my next vision? I don’t yet know.

What I do know, is that it is actually calling for me to focus on receiving. Whew, even typing that feels a bit, I don’t know, unfamiliar. Over the years I have honed in on my boundaries for sure. I do not bleed out by any means. I am surrounded by people that fuel my life, and for that I am grateful. But, when it comes to other visions or projects, they usually err on the side of work, coaching groups, and offerings. I offer. I give. That does fuel me. AND, what would it be like to be willing to be vulnerable enough to receive? To connect in a way of reciprocity? Be it more time with loved ones, celebrations, intimacy, or simple time spent reading with a friend on the porch. The art of true connection. It takes courage.

As someone who has done her work and is always growing her edges, I know that I am capable of depth. It is sometimes a lonely place to be, because not everyone can meet me there. But those that can, my do I marvel in it. The intimacy that life offers us if we are willing. I know that one of my growing edges is allowing. Allowing for people to love me in the way that I love them. To be open to the unfamiliar land of reciprocity. It sounds like a blissful place with its own flag and mascot.

I am fortunate I have beautiful souls in my life to practice this with. I am just sharing it with you all, because maybe in the midst of the season change to Spring, there are things you are pondering too. Maybe you too, need to grow your edges around vulnerability. Again beloved, it takes courage. I have faith in you though. We can take steps together.

The sun is setting just beyond the house across the street. Thank you for sharing some space with me. I feel my next vision approaching, she just isn’t here yet to advise me on what’s next. I do feel it is here though, among the pages, in the writing. (Alas, it always is…)

What’s on your horizon?

Sending all the love,

ah