If it's too much, it's okay.

If it's not made with love, I don't want it.

This time of year, really any time feels like too much now doesn’t it? I am grateful for the moments of soft slowness I find, but my heart is also just so damn heavy. I refuse to look away at the suffering we are chronically witnessing in the world, so I suppose a heavy heart is something I am choosing to live with. It’s a choice I feel willing to and called to make. If it’s all too much beloved, it’s okay. We were not meant to see the unseeable every day.

As I am writing to you, I am in my office, the sounds of children running amok is my background noise. Everyone is just white knuckling it to school break. I too, am exhausted. Between motherhood, womanhood, teacherhood, humanityhood, holiday pace… I am spent. I am quietly choosing my own ease though. I am not rushing out the door, because that stress doesn’t help. I am not scurrying to clean up my house, it’s okay if the monopoly money lies scattered on the floor for a few days. I am not shouting for my classes to stop talking, I’ll just wait patiently. I am not answering texts in a pressured way. I am not looking at emails. I am not making calls. I am not buying things to fill a quota. I am not … I am just not.

What I am focussing on, is love. I am surrounding myself with people I love, and only those people. Guilt visits caught on fire years ago. I am engaging in soul fueling discussions, ones that leave me full and grateful. I am watching the people who love on my daughters, and expressing my gratitude that they are in our lives. I am just, being. I cannot do the rest of the nonsense.

I am taking it all in and slowing down. I must. We must. There has been too much bloodshed and humanity is hanging in the balance. It is not and never has been in the name of love. If it is not in the name of love, I truly don’t want it. I wish I had a solution for all that is in peril right now. All I can do is channel love, compassion, joy, and reverence for the other love seeking hearts in this world. There are so many, we just have to look.

In 2023, I think I am going to leave behind everything I no longer need. 2024 is calling for love. She’s crying for it.

So wherever you are finding yourself this week, softly let yourself be there. Do as you need to do to stay well. We need your spirit, my love.

I’ll meet you again in 2024.

With so much fucking love,

ah