For weeks I have been struggling to find words, or just string together complete sentences for that matter. It has been a tough combination of overstimulation from my life and work, chronic exposure to violent images, stress and pressure from day to day life, and truly just a lack of breathing room. I can’t imagine why I cannot find coherency, anyone else? I know I am not alone. Yet, if this is the up and down of the human experience, how do we do it? How do we sustain it all? For me lately it has just felt like too damn much.
In my unbreathable too muchness though, the other day I caught a sunset. And this morning, I caught the sunrise. Daybreak. In those multiple moments of awe this week I was able to pause. Catch my breath for just a moment. Holding within me all the life stressors, but then a remembrance emerges through me and I am brought to a holier place. A spot greater than me. Higher than me. In these moments, I pray.
I pray for peace. May we know it within ourselves, even when it seems that the world around us is incapable of experiencing it. I pray for resolve; to show up the way that my heart desires and may I live boldly from that knowing. I pray for silence and stillness, for this world can be unbearably noisy sometimes with all of it’s chatter and expectations. I pray for self-kindness and self-regard. A return to the roots of who I am even in the face of others chronically trying to derail such an occurrence. I pray for softness. Oh my, do I pray for softness. My edges can become jagged and harsh sometimes from the realities of life, and yet, it is not my true essence. Over the years I have moved closer and closer to my heart’s softness, and I especially seek that comfort during the holiday season. I pray that I just let myself breathe, allowing all of the emotions and blunder to wash over me. I just…pray.
Prayer is an action word though, at least I feel it requires movement. An embodiment of the sunset, of the stillness, of the peace and healing I yearn for. Prayer is a longing we can listen to. As I write these desires aloud, a stillness comes over me.
You are not alone if the vibration of the world has been too much for your skin lately. My love, it has for mine too. So I am just sharing that space with you. Acknowledging your humanness and hoping you’ll walk with me alongside mine. This season, I would like to just look at the holiday lights with a bit more ease, awe, maybe a little wonder. Do you remember wonder? Magic even? Hell, let’s invite some of that back this season. Invite gentleness. Embrace the tears of softness. Take a breath of the cold air, winter for a bit. Go in. Pray. I’ll meet you there.
I am grateful you are here with me. We need each other more than ever I think. So, thank you.
With love,
ah