Being okay with being okay.
The art of okayness.
Good morning sweetness,
I am coming to you this morning, embracing an agenda less day. Do you ever have one of those? I don’t have to be anywhere today. I didn’t have to wake up at a certain time. No alarm needed to be set to remind me not to forget something. It’s completely open in all of its glory. I cannot remember the last agenda less or obligation less day. Huh.
I woke up and starred out the window for a bit before I willed myself to go make some coffee. I am a bit tired after volunteering all day yesterday at my daughter’s school for Field Day. I had forgotten what teacher tired felt like. It feels good and restorative. Kid energy is always good for the soul. I am a bit sun crisped, but in a good way. The breeze feels good this morning and I am allowing it to air the house out. Letting through whatever wants to come and go.
I have been writing lately, as this Spring has brought about a few surprises. Perhaps a season of blooming always comes with a bit of loss and letting go. The life lesson always being that change doesn’t come without change. However, lately, I feel more settled. More grounded perhaps. To be honest, I am practicing being okay with being okay. I am not interested in adding more layers of complexity. I am not interested in pushing more than I need to. I am not interested in the chaos game. What I am interested in finding out is if I can be okay, content, with being okay.
If you are someone like me and you have unknowingly, or even knowingly, spent your life in survival mode, being okay can feel completely foreign. As if sitting down feels wrong. Breathing in a relaxed and grounded state feels like you forgot something important. Should I be doing something? Is this what life feels like when you are okay? How refreshing. Yet, how unknown. I have never explored territory like this. Consciously not adding more to my life, but rather relishing in all that has fallen away. Be it jobs, people, work, relationships, family, or internal habits. You name it, it’s dissolved with its own natural accord.
The other day I had a revelation though about okayness. Do I even know what being okay feels like? Dare I explore it? Full disclosure this came on the heels of friends asking if I wanted to date. I wondered, do I? Is that an element I wish to apply to my life? Sure, a companion to have dinner with now and again might be nice. But the layer of a relationship; am I adding something to my life that I do not need right now? Am I doing it to fill a void rather than be okay with the fact that my life, for the first time in 7 years, is not upended? I want to stay curious about this.
I came to the conclusion that I want to practice being okay with being okay and what that means. I think it means, contentment. That I do not have to add something to my life that hasn’t come my way naturally. I do not wish to push or create something that hasn’t shown up by its own natural rhythm. There is a season for it all, and perhaps this is not the season for it. I am enjoying quiet. I am enjoying internal contentment. I give so much energy out on a regular basis, it is nice to keep some inside. I have never really had the opportunity to explore okayness.
So, here I am. Willing to work on being okay. And what a marvel it is. I am okay with an agenda less day. It has already allowed me to catch up with a friend on the phone over coffee. It has allowed me to pull out all of my daughter’s clothes from their room, holy moly kids grow so fast. It has allowed me to relish in the breeze. It has allowed me to breathe ever so deeply. It has allowed me to wish a friend a happy birthday. It has allowed me to sleep uninterrupted by alarms, bells, and reminders. It has allowed me to just, be.
I believe the buddhists would call being okay with being okay, presence. Ultimate presence. I’m here for it.
Thanks for sharing this space with me.
All the love,
ah
